I spoke on the phone with my mother tonight. What an amazing woman! Besides being one of the Obama super-volunteers in the Shenandoah Valley last year, she is active in politics, a book club, and church, and she is always ready to get in touch with a Congressperson or Senator about an important issue (right now … Continue reading
Posted in January 2010 …
Helplessness and Aging
Watching all four, now only two of our senior parents over the past ten years, I’ve been intrigued that a certain amount of helplessness seems to surface when they encounter the medical system. When a person becomes ill or develops a chronic condition, the medical world usually goes into high gear. This is especially true … Continue reading
Technology and Seniors: Practice Makes It Easier
If you are an aging child and you have parents who use or want to use computers, check out this great web site. The Senior’s Guide to Computers, run and updated by Jeff Mayer, features wide-ranging advice, ideas, illustrations, tutorials, and much more. His explanations are in simple plain English, and it’s possible to choose … Continue reading
Caregivers: Looking Back, Giving Back
We were fortunate to have people and places who helped us care for my husband’s mother. During the last year of mother’s life, things were intense, and sometimes we wished that we could be taken care of, too. Choosing to help with mother’s care and to have her near us, especially before she needed substantial … Continue reading
Mother’s Memorial Service
Other Posts Relating to Remembrances: After a Parent’s Death: Obituaries and Remembrances, After a Parent’s Death: Writing a Remembrance, Part II, After a Parent’s Death: Writing a Remembrance, Part I Our goal was to plan a memorial service that celebrated the life of my husband’s mother. As she was two months shy of her … Continue reading
Senior Parents: Canes and Walking Sticks
I’ve been thinking a lot about walking sticks and canes and how they help prevent falls. After certain age, a fall almost guarantees that the activities of daily living (ADL’s) become more and more difficult thereby leading to other health problems. I mentioned in a recent posting how I worry about my mom falling, so … Continue reading
Making Our House Safer: For Aging Parents and For Ourselves
My husband and I keep hearing about people who fall inside their homes, some of them older seniors and some in our age range (50’s – 60’s). Most people trip over an area rug or lose their balance in the bathroom or on steps. Check out this online PowerPoint lecture at the University of Pittsburgh Supercourse … Continue reading
Anticipatory Grief
This National Cancer Institute web site features a number of explanations and resource links on bereavement and grief. One section, titled anticipatory grief, describes how people often feel and behave when the death of a loved one is expected. This type of grief usually applies in a situation where a person is seriously ill and … Continue reading
Overcompensating After a Parent Dies
We are now in the second week after the death of my husband’s mother. The two of us are taking it easy and accomplishing the most important tasks. Also, we are breathing a bit easier because Mother is no longer in such extreme discomfort. The last few weeks were tough for her. However, I’ve noticed … Continue reading
After Death Details, Part III: Mother’s Library
In her assisted living apartment mother lived with her well-loved library of books. Though she parted with many possessions and books when she moved from her larger South Carolina condo into a smaller assisted living space, her most prized volumes traveled with her to Northern Virginia. We chose more than a few to keep since … Continue reading
After Death Details, Part II: Moving Through Routines
On the day mother died, last Monday, there were basic things to do, and because they did not require a great deal of thinking, they were easy to accomplish, especially because my husband is an only child. We had to: Call our daughter. Arrange for the hospital bed, wheel chair, and oxygen to be picked … Continue reading
After Death Details, Part I: Grief
Grief … It has been a week since my husband’s mother died. We miss her, though we are glad she is not in the extreme discomfort that she experienced at the end. We’ve laughed and we’ve cried, more of the former, because she lived a long and rich life. Saying goodbye takes time. Photograph albums … Continue reading
The End of Mother’s Life
We were not able to follow through with the hairdresser, though we know that Mother would have loved it, even so close to the end of her life. Raymond was a master at making her feel good. Early on Monday morning mother died, perhaps from the dementia, but more proximally from congestive heart failure. She … Continue reading
Dementia: The Hair Salon
Several weeks ago, my mother-in-law stopped going to the hairdresser. She and her caregiver had been walking down to the small salon at her assisted living facility once a week. Then one day she got up and after being dressed did not want to go. Or maybe she did not understand or we did not … Continue reading
Retrieving Info from My “Aging Child” Brain
I’ve been thinking a lot about how the brain learns and unlearns. As we observe my husband’s mother, who is deep into the latest stage of dementia, we see that she is unlearning on a daily basis. Unlearning seems to mean that she has lost the ability to retrieve and process much of the information … Continue reading
Dementia: More Unlearning
Over the past several days a number of dramatic changes have occurred in Mother’s condition. Three days ago she could suck on a straw, the preferred way of taking in a fair amount of liquids and especially protein milk shakes. And then two days ago she could no longer use a straw. Last week she … Continue reading
Dementia: Mother’s Continuing Decline
During the week between Christmas and New Year’s mother’ decline has accelerated. We realized a day or so before Christmas that our plans to bring her to our house were overly optimistic. She simply did not have the wherewithal to move, eat, climb the few steps or even stay awake for very long. She began … Continue reading
As Our Parents Age So Do We 