When the process of downsizing officially begins, attending to a life’s worth of possessions can take a long time. Decisions must be made about furniture, clothes, books, knick-nacks, household goods, vanity items, jewelry. Dealing with possessions, however, is the easy part. The most difficult time, at least from my perspective, comes near the end of … Continue reading
When the Parent With the Better Memory Dies First
My parents were married for 71 years. Over the past several years Dad experienced declining memory and mom declined physically. She helped him remember things (or remembered them for him), and Dad — even in his 90s he was still agile and quite strong — helped her move around, fetching things as needed so she … Continue reading
Caregiving in the Time of CoVid-19, #26: Connecting with Grandchildren!?
One of the joys of aging is the privilege of grandparenting. If one takes seriously the fundamental precept that engaging in healthy activities helps one age well, the opportunity to support children and grandchildren is right up there on the keeping-healthy scale. At first, way back last March, it did not seem like isolation would … Continue reading
It’s Not Worth Correcting Family Members With Weakening Memories
Forgetting is an everyday affair when dementia creeps into a family’s life. For adult children it presents a conversation conundrum. Speaking with fragile parents as they recall even more fragile memories can be frustrating and time consuming. Used to functioning as knowledgeable and independent individuals, people with memory challenges do not expect to be corrected. … Continue reading
Coronavirus Deaths – September 1, 2020
On the first of each month I am posting the number of deaths in my country, the United States. I hope my fellow bloggers will stongly consider taking this step so we do not forget the people lossed in this pandemic. 180,000 — people — dead from CoVid-10
Caregiving in the Time of CoVid-19, #25: Remember Polio?
Epidemics cause disruption. We know this now as we watch our Co-Vid 19 summer inch along ever so slowly. Few open pools, limits on playing with other people, very little socializing with friends and extended family, etc., etc. Outdoor is better than indoor, but how much better? And whether to have or open schools? Who … Continue reading
Watching My Mom Pass Away
We are neck deep in the CoVid-19 epidemic with social isolation, mask wearing, activity limits, and online lives that we could never have imagined a mere six months ago. Some people are fighting over masks and social distancing. Some of those individuals don’t even believe the virus is real. It is not a relaxed time … Continue reading
Caregiving in the Time of CoVid-19, #24: What 100,000 Deaths Look Like
Sometime during the 2020 Memorial Day weekend or immediately thereafter, the United States will reach a sorrowful milestone — 100,000 CoVid-19 deaths. The May 24, 2020, New York Times paper edition featured name ofter name of the dead, an image covering the entire front page. No headlines, no boxes, no articles, just names. The illustration … Continue reading
Caregiving in the Time of CoVid-19, #23: Seeing Elderly Parents Again — the Process Begins
How will assisted living communities, nursing homes, and retirement communities go about reopening while CoVid-19 is still around and infecting people? A May 18, 2020 Washington Post, Charting a Slow Path for Reopening, describes the conditions that the Center for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) wants assisted living communities and nursing homes to follow to … Continue reading
Caregiving in the Time of CoVid-19, #22: Should I Keep Saying “I Don’t Feel Safe?”
While living through this CoVid-19 isolation period I’ve found myself repeating the phrase “I don’t feel safe, so I …” at least a few times each week. I have not thought much about it until now. A few days ago at the grocery store on one of my efficient, list-generated, mask-wearing shopping trips, I overheard … Continue reading
Caregiving in the Time of CoVid-19, #21: Translating for Doctors During the Spanish Influenza!
This isn’t the first time people in the United States have worn masks to protect themselves during an epidemic. A month or two ago, as the incidence of CoVid-19 increased sharply, I wrote about my grandmother’s memories during the Spanish Influenza. I was delighted to find that remembrance, one among the eight reminiscences that Rachel Corbo … Continue reading
Caregiving in the Time of CoVid-19, #20: Not Wearing Masks Near a Caregiving Community??
It has been 80 days since I’ve seen my parents, and it’s frustrating. As an adult daughter, I want to offer support and help them remain in good spirits as they traverse the rough road of their fragile elderhood while simultaneously living through an international pandemic. Right now, though, just about the only things I … Continue reading
Caregiving in the Time of CoVid-19, #19: Missing Children and Grandchildren
Ask just about anyone my age to describe what is most difficult about this increasingly long period of CoVid-19 social distancing (63 days at my house), and just about everyone mentions their separation from adult children and grandchildren. And my friends with new babies in the family ache to reach out and touch them. It’s … Continue reading
Caregiving in the Time of CoVid-19, #18: Arguing About What We Cannot Change
One of the great things to emerge from this time of social distancing and quarantine is the astonishing amount of online communication that is going on each day. In the course of the week, I get at least one email from my parents’ retirement/assisted living community (so far so good), dozens of messages from a … Continue reading
Caregiving in the Time of CoVid-19, #17 Allergy Symptoms vs. Coronavirus
While my family members are careful to wash hands, practice social distancing, and regularly clean surfaces, sometimes when one of us gets a drippy nose or a tight chest we panic, at least for a couple of minutes, wondering whether we have CoVid-19. Then we discovered this chart, a health alert from the Centers for … Continue reading
Caregiving in the Time of CoVid-19, #16 — Worries
Today is the 45th day that my husband and I have been in our home, social distancing, leaving only for daily walks and trips to the grocery store every six or seven days. Just about every day, for a short period, I feel overwhelmed by my worries — worries unique to this crazy time of … Continue reading
Caregiving in the Time of CoVid-19, #15: Exercising Etiquette
If you are trying to take care of yourself, the personal caregiving that is needed during this period of CoVid-19 social distancing, exercise is important. When this period of isolation began I did home aerobics, walked, and occasionally do slow walk-jog interval exercise at the local high school track. Now, however, the track is closed because … Continue reading
Caregiving in the Time of CoVid-19, #14: Elastic is the New Toilet Paper
You cannot purchase 1/4 inch wide elastic anywhere just now. It’s back-ordered everywhere because everyone has gone in for mask-making. I am not surprised now we are all supposed to wear a mask anytime we are nearby others and cannot maintain the six feet of distance. I am taking this seriously, wearing mine to the … Continue reading
Caregiving in the Time of CoVid-19, #13: It’s a Time of Melancholy If Parents Are in Long Term Care…
I’m so appreciative of the way the assisted living community where my parents now live went into action quickly. Right after the problems in the care community in Washington state, my parents’ little village closed to visitors and set up dining services that emphasize social distance. I know VMRC is doing everything possible to protect … Continue reading
Caregiving in the Time of CoVid-19, #12: The Developmental Stages of Social Distancing
As a lifelong educator, I tend to consider challenges, be they learning or life-related, by observing the developmental stages that people pass through. When I think about family issues, learning problems, unusual challenges, or ongoing predicaments I deconstruct the steps needed to address an issue, learn about it, and, if necessary develop coping skills. Most … Continue reading
