If you are not a regular reader of the New York Times, use this link to go to What Broke My Father’s Heart, by Katie Butler, published in the June 14, 2010, NY Times Magazine. Butler writes about the enormous difficulties her family encountered after a pacemaker was inserted into her father’s chest despite that he had … Continue reading
Filed under end_of_life …
Late-Stage Dementia, Hospitals, and Feeding Tubes
A professor at the Brown University Medical School was the lead author on a recent study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA), Hospital Characteristics Associated With Feeding Tube Placement in Nursing Home Residents With Advanced Dementia (abstract). Joan M. Teno, MD, used Medicare data from 2000 to 2007 to evaluate how … Continue reading
After a Parent’s Death: Paying Bills
Four months after Mother died her bills have continued to arrive. While we were prepared to pay her final utility bills as well as the end-of-life and memorial service costs, it felt a bit strange to receive so many others, and doubly so more than four months after her death. Yet all of the bills … Continue reading
Dementia: Choosing Her Own End-of-Life Strategy
Take a few minutes to read a post at the Intrepid Paper Girl blog about the life and dementia-related death of journalist Lynn Forbish. Forbish’s last years of life demonstrate how people with dementia continue to think, feel emotions, and make decisions. Her end-of-life experience illustrates the cognitive model that researcher Justin Feinstein and University of Iowa … Continue reading
Aging Parents: Lengthy and Possibly Arduous Caregiving
Take a few minutes to read Long Goodbye of the Elderly Can Create Crisis for Family Caregivers in the April 6, 2010 Washington Post Health section. Abigail Trafford describes what we experienced during three years of aging parent caregiving. She writes, “The long goodbye is a predictable chapter in our lives. Giving care — and receiving … Continue reading
Google Search Suggestions Support Suicide Prevention
Google Gets It … According to the New York Times, when a person searches with terms that could indicate suicidal thoughts, Google results will automatically include suggestions about suicide prevention, including a hotline telephone number. This policy, thought it cannot respond to every potential end-of-life search term, may make the difference in helping a person … Continue reading
Aging Parents: Research on End-of-Life Decisions
Researchers at the University of Michigan have published Advance Directives and Outcomes of Surrogate Decision Making Before Death (abstract link) in the April 1, 2010, issue of the New England Journal of Medicine. The study included 3,746 participants and focused on their end-of-life decisions between 2000 and 2006. Another article about the end-of-life research is at … Continue reading
Aging Parents: Death from Falls, Part II, Observations
Observation about Seniors and Falling (for resources on falling see Senior Adults and Falling and Keeping Our Parents and Ourselves Accident Free) Three out of four of our parents fell while they were living active lives, albeit with certain chronic medical conditions. All four attended classes or workshops on balance assessment and fall prevention. Our … Continue reading
Aging Parents: Death from Falls, Part I
With aging parents on my mind a lot these days, I am extra clued into sickness, decline, and factors that contribute to the end of an elderly person’s life. Frequently I ask two questions. Why do falls have such a strong association with the death of people over age 65, and why isn’t prevention more … Continue reading
Writing a Parent’s Remembrance, Part II
Other Posts Relating to Remembrances: After a Parent’s Death: Writing a Remembrance, Part II, After an Aging Parent’s Death: Obituaries and Remembrances, Mother’s Memorial Service We write remembrances after a loved one dies. Written memorials or tributes, usually penned by family members, are used in committal or memorial services or simply shared in conversation. … Continue reading
Writing a Parent’s Remembrance, Part I
Other Posts Relating to Remembrances: After a Parent’s Death: Writing a Remembrance, Part II, After an Aging Parent’s Death: Obituaries and Remembrances, Mother’s Memorial Service When an elderly parent accumulates serious medical diagnoses, becomes weaker, and is sick more often than not, set aside time to review memories and talk about life. Engage in … Continue reading
Aging Parents: A Conversation About Dying with Dad
It seems like a lot of elderly people we know — all in mid-80’s or older — are dying or have died recently. My parents, also in their 80’s, are doing well. Yet each time I share information about a relative with my parents I ask the question, “Should I be talking about this?” Usually … Continue reading
Read Jane Brody on the End of a Much-Loved Life
This essay, When the Only Hope is a Peaceful End,written by Jane Brody, describes the last months, last days, and death of her husband, Richard. The piece is in today’s New York Times Personal Health section (March 16, 2010). Take a few moments to read an amazing and loving description of the end-of-life. People who … Continue reading
Aging Parents: Caregiving and Saying Good-bye
Caregiving, especially helping to care for an aging parent who is ill and nearing the end of life, is arduous. One never stops asking questions about “doing the right thing.” Throughout this challenging time an aging child has lot of things to say, memories to review, and good-byes to be arranged for family members near … Continue reading
Aging Parents: Asking Questions After a Death
A friend whose mother is seriously ill asked, “What do you think about after your parent is gone, the services are over, and you are moving on with life, but without the person?” My answer? We share memories and we ask questions. The memories are easy, because they come to us. No matter what … Continue reading
Communication: We are Always Children in Our Parents’ Eyes
“We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.” Henry Ward Beecher Last night on the phone my mom directed me to take care of myself and rest up. She knows the past three years have been well-filled, and often tiring, as my husband and I assisted his mother with post-stroke … Continue reading
After an Aging Parent’s Death: Obituaries and Remembrances
Other Posts Relating to Remembrances: After a Parent’s Death: Writing a Remembrance, Part II, After an Aging Parent’s Death: Obituaries and Remembrances, Mother’s Memorial Service Since my mother-in-law passed away in January, each day has included tasks for us to accomplish, all relating to the ending of a life and the transition to the … Continue reading
Mother’s Memorial Service
Other Posts Relating to Remembrances: After a Parent’s Death: Obituaries and Remembrances, After a Parent’s Death: Writing a Remembrance, Part II, After a Parent’s Death: Writing a Remembrance, Part I Our goal was to plan a memorial service that celebrated the life of my husband’s mother. As she was two months shy of her … Continue reading
Anticipatory Grief
This National Cancer Institute web site features a number of explanations and resource links on bereavement and grief. One section, titled anticipatory grief, describes how people often feel and behave when the death of a loved one is expected. This type of grief usually applies in a situation where a person is seriously ill and … Continue reading
After Death Details, Part III: Mother’s Library
In her assisted living apartment mother lived with her well-loved library of books. Though she parted with many possessions and books when she moved from her larger South Carolina condo into a smaller assisted living space, her most prized volumes traveled with her to Northern Virginia. We chose more than a few to keep since … Continue reading
As Our Parents Age So Do We 