Forging Adult Children-Aging Parent Connections BEFORE the Challenging Years
A time for conversations?
It’s that time of year again.
Many blogs and caregiving articles are encouraging adult children to “be alert for signs” of extreme aging. With titles such as “Ten Things to Observe When You Visit Your Aging Parents Over the Holidays” or “How to Spy and Check Out Whether A Parent Needs Support,” the posts explain that family crisis time may be just around the corner, and you may need to use the holiday get-togethers as an information gathering period. And, yes, one recent piece really did use the word spying.
These articles describe a real phenomenon. Unfortunately, many of us adult children — some of us living far away and others just around the corner from parents — do not tune in until significant problems arise. What puzzles me, however, is why so few articles try help us figure out how to begin these conversations in advance — mastering the communication basics and expecting typical setbacks — long before the problems build up and crises loom.
Facebook Timeline? This Time with FB I am Increasingly Doubtful
If you or your children or your aging parents are active Facebook users, take a look at these articles and continue to follow the news on the newest Timeline feature. Looks like, despite setting our privacy controls, our information will be widely shared. We may have some Facebook decisions to make.
What to do? Google + is looking awfully good right now.
Read these Articles (I’ll add others as I read them.)
- Facebook’s Timeline a “Stalker’s” Paradise: Mass Exodus on the Way? – ZD Net by Charlie Osborne
- Facebook’s Timeline Goes Live: Gives User’s a Seven-Day Grace – ZD New by Zach Wittaker
- A Trip Down Memory Lane With Facebook’s Timeline – Newsday
- Facebook Rolls out Timeline Feature: It’s Time to Untag Some Old Photos – EnGadget
- Ready or Not, It’s Time for Facebook’s Timeline – LATimes Technology
- How to Use Facebook’s New Timeline Feature (and Hide Your Old Embarrassing Photos) – Life Hacker
- As Facebook’s New Timeline Rolls Out- Find Out How Well You Know Your Friends – Forbes
- Facebook Pulls Back Curtain on Timeline – Wired
Family Members’ Attention-Visits Make a Huge Difference
We used to drop in to visit mother regularly, often bringing herbs or flowers from our garden.
I’ve just finished reading Involved Family Is a Key to Receiving Good Care in Nursing Homes, a December 13, 2011 article in the Detroit Free Press.
The report describes how a nursing home resident benefits enormously when family members drop in to visit on a regular basis and get to know the staff that is caring for their loved one. Family members who are involved in a parent’s community send public and pointed messages to staff about a resident’s support system.
Choosing a nursing home that welcomes family visitors any time may also mean that the professional staff will encourage family members to be involved in the development of a care plan. If not, ask to be included in care plan meetings. A community with people and family oriented policies may not necessarily be the newest or even have the most attractive facilities. A nursing home’s ranking may also not be the best indicator of its family friendly (or non-friendly) policies
Good, three-way communication (family, resident, staff) is critical. A few years ago, when my husband’s mother was in a skilled nursing facility for rehabilitation after her stroke, we often stopped in to visit her and share a meal. Or, if we were out-of-town, we would call to talk to her and call the staff to ask questions about how she was doing.
New Health Care Directive Registry in Virginia
Visit the VA Registry site.
In case you missed this news on December 7, 2011, you may want to learn more about the new Virginia health care directive registry. It’s a free service. This article, Virginia Announces Free Online Health Care Registry, appeared on Richmond’s NBC News 12 site and explains more.
The Virginia Department of Health, working in a public-private partnership with Microsoft and UNIVAL (a health information technology company), now provide the registry as a communication tool to help people save and archive their end-of-life wishes and ensure that these wishes are honored by family members and/or caregivers. Personal preferences are saved in an easy-to-access web location so that loved ones can honor a person’s last wishes when necessary. Registered users will receive an identification care and pin number which can be given to family members.
Individuals can put the following information into the registry.
Great Radio Show, Dr. Berwick! Emerging Rock Star?
Visit the OnPoint website.
National Public Radio’s On Point program with host Tom Ashbrook comes out of WBUR in Boston. The December 6, 2011 program featured Dr. Donald Berwick sharing his thoughts, ideas, and vast knowledge about improving health care — and Dr. Berwick was only a few days past taking leave as head of the Center for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS). On the talk show Berwick was articulate, thoughtful, and easy to understand. Moreover, he was unruffled by people who called in to disagree.
Just about everyone who cares about health care quality, solid medicare services for aging parents, and appropriate access to health care for people with lower incomes knows the shameful congressional saga of Dr. Berwick’s rejection.
However, by the end of OnPoint I decided that Dr. Berwick, now that he’s had seventeen months to head CMS, may be a highly visible advocate outside of the government. In fact, the people in the Senate who submitted statement after statement railing about Berwick, quoting his writing out of context, and in general being hateful, may soon wish he were still in the government, quietly going about his daily business with all of the communication constraints of a senior level government official..
They may have unwittingly created a health care rock star.
National Library of Medicine Director’s Podcasts
The view in iTunes.
I’ve become quite a fan of the weekly Director’s podcasts from the National Library of Medicine (NLM).
These mini radio programs are a terrific resource for people of all ages, but adult children and their parents will find they provide a helpful introduction to the National Library of Medicine and Medline Plus. The podcasts used to be narrated by NLM director Donald A.B. Lindberg, M.D. but now they are read by NLM staff member Rob Logan, Ph.D., a member of Dr. Lindberg’s library staff. Users encounter the image above when they search for the “casts” in iTunes.
The NLM podcasts are short, informative, easy to understand, and simple to download to a listening device, via iTunes. It’s not uncommon for a program to cite current research and explain its importance and relevance, so a listener can easily locate the research after listening.
An Electronic Advent Calendar from Mom
Click to visit Jacquie Lawson E-cards
My mother sent me an electronic Advent calendar from Jacquie Lawson E-cards and Greetings. It’s amazing. No, this calendar is not just amazing — it cute, whimsical, and downright fun. Also it’s a simple and easy gift to give to a grandchild, a grandparent, or anyone in-between — and easy to use. It may be necessary to join the e-card site, but it’s cheap relative to what we spend on cards and greetings.
Each morning, just like when I was a child, I dash to my computer or iPad, open the digital door, and start the day’s Advent/Christmas animation. My calendar depicts Victorian London, and so far I’ve decorated a tree, watched a London market stock up for Christmas, and explored a room inside Big Ben’s clock tower.
Scams and Seniors: Redux
I cannot get Rachel from Credit Card Services to stop calling me. She has such a lovely voice, and she always tells me that there is no problem with my credit card. But then she continues on, encouraging me to talk to one of her colleagues about lowering credit card interest rates. Moreover, it will be my last opportunity. Don’t I wish it was going to be my last opportunity to talk with Rachel and her colleagues!
In fact, Rachel is harassing me, and I know she does this to lots of older seniors who don’t know a lot about technology. I have filed a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission (FTC). When this happens, you should, too.
Watch this video that describes how to file a complaint, and it is well worth watching, especially with senior parents or other aging family members and friends.
Becoming A Grown-up Child
One day in April 2007 my husband and I were the adult kids in our families — we are the only adult children
— and the next day we became what we laughingly call “real grown-ups,” helping first one, then two, and increasingly all three of our parents. It’s time to give back, and we do so willingly and happily. However the process is not easy, and it is not free from anxiety and tension. Check out the As Our Parents Age About page to learn more about the mission of this blog.
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As Our Parents Age by Marti Weston is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.
Based on work at AsOurParentsAge.wordpress.com and AsOurParentsAge.net
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