When we returned home from our two-month dress rehearsal in early March we needed to accomplish a great deal. during the two months we had purchased a house that was to be our new home and expected it to be ready in mid-June. With about ten weeks to sell our house, pack up and move … Continue reading
Tagged with adult children …
Aging in Place: Plans May Be Possible… or Not
For as long as I can remember, my parents planned to age in place in their home. They made me promise to support them in this endeavor, and I did. They understood initially that some situations — severe illness or extreme memory problems, for instance — might require their plans to be changed. But as … Continue reading
Why I Disappeared from Blogging During My Parents Last Years of Life
Well, I thought that, given the support of my two parents throughout my years of blog writing on As Our Parents Age, I would keep writing until the end of their lives. However, it was not to be. I found that I wanted to protect them and help them live their last years in private. … Continue reading
Caregiving in the Time of CoVid-19, #19: Missing Children and Grandchildren
Ask just about anyone my age to describe what is most difficult about this increasingly long period of CoVid-19 social distancing (63 days at my house), and just about everyone mentions their separation from adult children and grandchildren. And my friends with new babies in the family ache to reach out and touch them. It’s … Continue reading
Caregiving in the Time of CoVid-19, #7: Bill Gates Predicted this Pandemic for Over Ten Years
I keep meeting people who are surprised about the CoVid-19 pandemic and the social distancing strategies required to help mitigate the spread of the coronavirus. This is an especially common musing among adult children caregivers whose elderly parents are now isolated and without any visitors as assisted living and long term care communities try to … Continue reading
Caregiving in the Time of CoVid-19, #3: Staying Connected With My Parents
My parents live about 100 miles away from my home, and their assisted living community is locked down and not permitting visitors. The goal is to keep the CoVid-19 away from the residents as much as possible. I feel nothing by gratitude for the kindness and dedication of the staff. Preventive care at its best.
What to Do With Family Pictures, Documents, Journals & More?
I am spending an enormous amount of time going through scrapbooks, photo albums, slide boxes, certificates, and much more. I’ve been away from this blog for a couple of months, focusing all my extra time on these boxes and boxes of family records. How does one decide what to keep (and what to toss)? I … Continue reading
When You’re Tired & Overwhelmed — but Still Grateful
Gratitude really does make a difference. Some days are tough for this adult child, even though I am not a direct caregiver for my elderly parents. The amazing assisted living staff and an incredible caregiver, who visits two or three times each week, provide the bulk of the support. Yet, there is still so much … Continue reading
When an Aging Parent Cannot Use Calendar as a Daily Organizational Tool
A development that an adult child may observe in an elderly parent is the time when the calendar becomes less and less significant and managing time and appointments becomes more difficult. I can remember visiting my husband’s mother and mentioning that it was a Saturday morning. “Saturday?” she exclaimed. A friend told me how she … Continue reading
The “Firsts” that Mean Your Aging Parent Grows More Fragile
As we watch our parents age into older elderhood — the period when they dramatically slow down and require additional support — we often observe that a situation changes. Suddenly we notice, for the first time, that an activity that used to be easy — and often much-loved — becomes too difficult to accomplish. When … Continue reading
Five Challenges to the Elusive Goal of Aging in Place
I’ve met many older adults who want to age in place, but for many individuals it is difficult to stay in their homes. In the best situations, either the elder or a family member is able to monitor the situation, assuring that everything is in order and making changes as necessary. Designing and carrying out realistic … Continue reading
When an Elderly Parent Is Unable to Learn New Things but Still Wants to Do Them
What can you do and say when elderly, and extremely fragile parents try to do things that are simply too difficult? Many adult children who support elderly parents arrive at a point when their fragile parents function pretty well with the activities of daily living (ADLs) yet possess less and less of the cognitive energy that’s required … Continue reading
Older Elders and the End of Life
If you are an adult child with ninetysomething parents, you are probably familiar with the drill. Like me you may receive phone calls from an elderly parent a couple of times each week, usually asking a question, describing a problem, or just expressing anxiety. Or you may hear from caregivers about a problem — a … Continue reading
More on Fraudulent Phone Calls and Scams
I do not think a week goes by when one of my elderly parents doesn’t mention a strange phone call. They are always disconcerting and often scary, and older adult are prime targets. An excellent article, Die, Robocalls, Die: A How-to Guide to Stop Spammers and Extract Revenge, appeared this week in the Washington Post. The … Continue reading
Older Elders, Adult Children & THE CAR
At what point do you encourage or insist that parents in their late 80s and early 90s stop driving? Every adult child speaks quietly and with angst about this aging parent car conundrum. Almost no one is satisfied with the end result. It seems to be a painful, no-win dilemma in just about every family. More … Continue reading
Being Retired and Supporting Elderly Parents
At least once a week my day belongs to my mom and dad. We leave our house early and drive the 100 miles to their home. We visit and always have lunch together in their community dining room or at a local restaurant. Sometimes all of us attend a special event in their retirement community. … Continue reading
You Can’t Parent Your Parent — No Matter What
I just read a touching 2013 column about supporting elderly parents, written by Washington Post columnist, Cortland Milloy. In his column Milloy addresses the notion, so prevalent these days, that many of us are “parenting our parents.” I’ll let you read the column for yourself, but I have some firm issues when it comes to … Continue reading
Giving vs. Receiving: Growing Older & Extreme Frustration
Change is constant when we age, and it’s important for adult children occasionally to consider the changes in our elder parents’ lives by looking through the prisms that our parents gaze through and thoughtfully examining their perspectives. In a conversation with my mom — who has found herself less energetic and more dependent on others — she shared her journal … Continue reading
Stop Saying These Three Things to Elder Adults!
When they speak to elderly seniors, middle-age children and and other adults tend to say things, often unintentionally, that demonstrate a lack of respect and empathy. Sometimes it happens when a person tries to solve a problem quickly; at others the goal is to move along getting to work or school on time. Not infrequently adult children … Continue reading
Advice-giving, Aging Parents & Adult Children
Advice-giving can trip up the elder parent – adult child relationship and even cause painful divisions between parent and child. My mother will ask me a question and the answer is fairly straightforward, but then I’ll keep on answering, advising, really. At other times, I offer unsolicited advice about one thing or another. Usually my mother … Continue reading
As Our Parents Age So Do We 