The woman, an older elder, moved slowly with her shopping cart, using it as a support as well as a receptacle for her groceries. She had placed a few things in the cart when she noticed the Starbucks and pushed her cart over to order a cup of coffee. My husband and I were just approaching … Continue reading
Filed under Respect …
Lose the Word “Spying”
Can we please not use the word spy when we discuss the needs of aging parents? Each year, during the two-month holiday season, I see an article or two urging adult children to use the holiday visits as an opportunity to spy — discretely, of course — during family gatherings. The goal is to discover … Continue reading
Goodbye, Jessie: A Remembrance
My friend Jessie died about a month ago. Though I had not chatted with her for over three years, I counted her as a much-loved friend and colleague. I met Jessie in August 1984 when she dropped into my second grade classroom to introduce herself. I was new at the school, and she was a … Continue reading
Removing Racist and Hateful Comments: A Simple Relevancy Test
After the jury announced its verdict in New Jersey I watched Associated Press video statement read by Tyler Clementi’s father. Sad and clearly with a heavy heart, he nevertheless looked to the future in a way that most of us could not have done had we lost a child the way he lost Tyler. Then I … Continue reading
Jane Gross on NPR’s Tell Me More
If you missed the Michel Martin’s Tell Me More on Monday, January 23, 2012, head over to the program’s website to hear Jane Gross talk about her book, A Bittersweet Season: Caring For Our Aging Parents and Ourselves. Her conversation covered a broad range of aging parent-adult child topics including Medicare, financial problems, end-of life issues, … Continue reading
4 Anti-Rudeness Lessons From My Mom
It seems to be in vogue to be rude. From media and shouting television personalities, to drivers, to people’s online behavior, to members of the House of Representatives, rudeness seems to be a part of our daily life. Some people seem to be proud of it. Trouble is, the behavior is mean, nasty, and downright … Continue reading
Aging Seniors: What a Difference a Word Makes #2
Words matter, especially words that describe people who are aging. In every day conversation, disrespectful phrases such as “old people” or “old folks,” are commonly used. My parents and many of their friends detest these comments. This week I listened to a podcast of a panel discussion, produced by a well-known media outlet, and buried … Continue reading
Just Die Already???
Check out today’s post, No Need for Death Threats! over at Changing Aging, Dr. Bill Thomas’ blog. He snapped this picture of this magazine cover at the airport in Philadelphia. I am beginning to believe that the next 30 years will be generationally tough, not only for our parents but also for us, the adult children … Continue reading
Banishing the Myths of Aging
The University of Pittsburgh Institute on Aging has a superb website, filled with information and resources on aging and supplemented with links that can help people solve problems and better understand medical conditions. The site is easy for seniors, families, and caregivers to navigate. Many of the resources are Pennsylvania specific, however others, like the … Continue reading
Aging, Respect, Caregiving, and Honor: How Many of Us Could Do This?
For Mr. Bronson, a Neighbor’s Kind Act Led to a New Family tells the story of a couple in the Washington, DC area, John O’Leary and Nadine Epstein, who became friends and shared a home with Mr. Bronson, a 90-year-old man who had lost his home. What began as a spontaneous offer of a bedroom 25 … Continue reading
Senior Parents: What a Difference a Word Makes
Words matter, especially words that describe people who are aging. In every day conversation, disrespectful phrases such as “old people” or “old folks,” are commonly used. My parents and many of their friends detest these comments. This week I listened to a podcast of a panel discussion, produced by a well-known media outlet, and buried … Continue reading
Aging Parents, Aging Boomers, Geriatric Competencies
Some time ago my father had an uncomfortable experience with a health care professional. A physician, without even a sentence of explanation, began administering the Mini-Mental Status Examination (MMSE), a short evaluation that measures cognitive functioning. My father, who knew exactly what was happening, was upset. As people age, assessments are important, but so are explanations. After … Continue reading
End of Life Decisions
My post, Aging Parents: Research on End-of-Life Decisions, discussed the University of Michigan study that evaluated how a person’s end-of-life decisions are taken into consideration by hospitals and medical personnel. Pauline Chen, MD, in her regular New York Times column, also wrote about this research, sharing a personal story about her father-in-law’s death. The article … Continue reading
Aging Parents: A Conversation About Dying with Dad
It seems like a lot of elderly people we know — all in mid-80’s or older — are dying or have died recently. My parents, also in their 80’s, are doing well. Yet each time I share information about a relative with my parents I ask the question, “Should I be talking about this?” Usually … Continue reading
Aging Parents: Caregiving and Saying Good-bye
Caregiving, especially helping to care for an aging parent who is ill and nearing the end of life, is arduous. One never stops asking questions about “doing the right thing.” Throughout this challenging time an aging child has lot of things to say, memories to review, and good-byes to be arranged for family members near … Continue reading
Communication: We are Always Children in Our Parents’ Eyes
“We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.” Henry Ward Beecher Last night on the phone my mom directed me to take care of myself and rest up. She knows the past three years have been well-filled, and often tiring, as my husband and I assisted his mother with post-stroke … Continue reading
Caregivers: Looking Back, Giving Back
We were fortunate to have people and places who helped us care for my husband’s mother. During the last year of mother’s life, things were intense, and sometimes we wished that we could be taken care of, too. Choosing to help with mother’s care and to have her near us, especially before she needed substantial … Continue reading
Communicating: Respect No Matter What the State-of-Mind
I’ve noticed that people at Mother’s assisted living facility, as well as many of the other people who see her daily, are respectful of her limited communication skills and try to work around her dementia disorientation. At her assisted living facility staff members always take a few moments after they enter the apartment, addressing her … Continue reading
Journaling Legacies
For as long as I can remember my father has kept a journal. I have memories, even from earliest childhood, of dad taking a few minutes to record his thoughts. It did not seem to matter where we were — at home, on a vacation, at the park, or attending one of his many conferences … Continue reading
Parent Legacies
I’ve been thinking a lot about legacies — those intangible gifts that my parents are handing down to me. As I watch my parents get older, and when big and small health issues occur, I wonder what my life will be like without them. I don’t worry about helping them in these next few years, … Continue reading
As Our Parents Age So Do We 