Best Exotic Marigold Hotel: an Entertaining Metaphor for Aging
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The other night we went to see the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, and boy, did we enjoy ourselves.
A group of British retirees, most seeking lower costs and a bit of adventure, ends up as the guests in a seedy, formerly grand hotel in Jaipur, India. In fact, the hotel is terrible. It’s not what they expect, but the endearing, entrepreneurial proprietor draws them in. As the movie zooms in on the characters’ personal stories we found ourselves gazing through familiar late-in-life prisms. Did I mention some of the fairly obnoxious adult children?
Marigold introduces a woman who was let go after training her own replacement, the parents who invested in their daughter’s start-up (yes, boomers everywhere are giving lots of money to their kids), and the woman who trusted her beloved husband who then left her in debt. We become acquainted with a retired attorney, drawn back to the place of a great love affair, and several others who just want to be less lonely. Because these are British characters, the frustrations tend to be understated — but frustrations, none the less. The Indian characters are just as engaging, fully developed, and far more exuberant.
Aging Abundantly Founder Points to New Look at Aging
I am tiring of “the boomers are coming” dire warnings that seem to be everywhere. Boomer bashing is nothing new — it’s been going on since it became clear that the demographic cohort would be a large one.
Yes there are problems with so many people growing old in one generation, but it also means there are lots of people who have time and energy to give back. In my life and in the lives of the boomers I know well, we have time after time given more than we’ve received. I expect this giving to continue.
Whether we were fighting for civil rights, starting careers later than usual because we worked on projects that supported other types of change, or continuing throughout our lives to contribute major amounts of community service, giving back has always been a theme in our lives.
What a delight to read Dorothy Sander’s April 11, 2012 post in the Huffington Post describing a “new way of aging” that involves deepening a vision about the many things that are left to be done even as we grow older. Sander, the founder of Aging Abundantly, expresses ideas that many boomers share.
Two Important Quotes Read more »
SuperWomen — Take Care
Adult children try to do it all. Adult daughters sometimes do even more and take risks with their health.
Spend a minute reading this short, succinct article, reminding those of us who are mothers, adult daughters, and daily workers that we need to take time and use a bit of our energy to care for ourselves.
In Superwoman Could be Healthier, writer Nancy Rudner Lugo reminds us,” that women ages 45 to 64 have the lowest well-being of any age group or gender, and are worse off than women a generation ago.” She points out that just adding a bit of exercise several times a week can make an enormous difference in our quality of life.
A nurse practitioner and public health professional, Rudner Lugo consults on workplace health and nurse coaching. She has published quite a few short health and wellness articles in the Florida Seminole Voice and has a knack for filling her articles with information while keeping them short and to the point.
Jane Gross Interview: “On Being” Radio Program
For some time now I’ve listed Jane Gross’ book, A Bittersweet Season: Caring for Our Aging Parents — and Ourselves, as my current read, even though I finished reading it two months ago. I’ve kept the book posted because it is a compelling and real-life description of what it takes — the agony, challenge, love, collaboration, and commitment — to support an aging parent when that person needs additional, day-to-day, support from an adult child.
Jane Gross was a guest on Krista Tippett’s public radio program, On Being. The episode, The Far Shore of Aging, features Gross discussing her book, and she also describes how we caregivers need to take care of ourselves as well as our parents and family members. The program is available as a podcast via iTunes, or it is possible to listen right at the On Being website, where additional resources and reading recommendations on this program and many others are available. Gross created the New Old Age blog at the New York Times.
Senior Patient Hospitalization, #5: The ER Worked Fast
If you like this post, please read my Senior Parent Hospitalization posts: Report #1: This Hospital Gets It, Report #2: Peace and Quiet, Report #3: Four Ways to Reduce Stress for Patient Families, Report #4: Observations from My Dad, Report #5: The Emergency Room Worked Fast, and Report #6: Learning About Cardiac Procedures and Surgeries.
It was long past midnight when my husband and I drove toward the Shenandoah Mountains and Harrisonburg, Virginia. My father was in the emergency department at Rockingham Memorial Hospital (RMH), due to complications from congestive heart failure, and we were on our way to help. Concerned, I took the time to fill my book bag with all of the official papers an adult daughter may need if decisions are required when a parent is hospitalized.
As we drove, the two of us talked about what might be in store for our family over the next 12 hours. We expected to arrive at the hospital, go to the emergency room, and find my dad on a gurney — uncomfortable, irritated, and who knows what else. We knew from emergency trips with my husband’s mother and father that the long waits, loud noises, and ER confusion (perceived through elder eyes) led to extreme discomfort and disorientation, no matter what time of day the visits occurred. In fact, I wrote a post for this blog describing just how long it takes for the confusion, once it sets in, to go away. Read more »
Aging Seniors: What a Difference a Word Makes #2
Words matter, especially words that describe people who are aging. In every day conversation, disrespectful phrases such as “old people” or “old folks,” are commonly used. My parents and many of their friends detest these comments.
This week I listened to a podcast of a panel discussion, produced by a well-known media outlet, and buried in the interesting content were comments such as “too old” and “not all there.” So many of these words emphasize the gap between older and younger people. The problem is ageism, plain and simple.
Virginia Mennonite Retirement Community Supportive Language Card, Side 1
Growing old is a normal part of life, and while it can be hard work, most people manage it quite well with intellects intact.
Yet keeping a sense of self, not to mention pride, is a daily challenge so rigorous that perhaps it should even be added to the activities of daily living (ADL’s). Older seniors navigate a minefield of unintentional (my dad calls them tacky) comments and references designed to trivialize. The International Longevity Center, founded by the late Dr.Robert N. Butler (NY times Obituary), posts this short article, Old Age has Value in Today’s Youth-Oriented Society by Ithaca College Gerontology Professor John A. Krout. Dr Krout also heads the Ithaca College Gerontology Institute.
Some communities are trying to address the problem. Read more »
Just Die Already???
Read the post at Changing Aging.
Check out today’s post, No Need for Death Threats! over at Changing Aging, Dr. Bill Thomas’ blog. He snapped this picture of this magazine cover at the airport in Philadelphia. I am beginning to believe that the next 30 years will be generationally tough, not only for our parents but also for us, the adult children who are following right behind.
I am going to Philly for a conference next month. I won’t buy the magazine this time. The blame for this type of thing can be placed squarely on the shoulders people who opine about budgets, intentionally creating generational rifts, to get political attention, but the same people do nothing to really solve our problems. Already twenty and thirty somethings indicate in a variety of ways that boomers are the problem — precisely the type of rifts that make people think this magazine cover is appropriate.
Head on over to read the post. B.T.W. I shared this on Facebook and retweeted on Twitter.
Aging and Decision-Making
No matter how old we are, making decisions and choices can be more difficult when we are presented with lots of options. As we age, we may take more time to make decisions compared to our children or grandchildren, and the situation can become a source of frustration for family members.
Read Why It Takes So Long to Decide in the March 9, 2011 New York Times. The article by reporter Karen Stabiner, examines the interaction between younger and older family members as they go about making decisions, focusing especially on the different approaches the brain uses for decision-making as a person grows older.
The article, appearing in the New Old Age blog, ends by comparing the strengths of middle-age brains (adult children) brains with the strengths of the brains of aging parents.
Middle age brings a valuable balance of ability and experience, researchers say. “Adult children are actually ideally suited to help an aging parent,” said Dr. Samanez-Larkin. We are, he said, at “a psychological prime, of sorts,” capable of being useful — so long as we remain supportive, and resist the urge to take over.
Becoming A Grown-up Child
One day in April 2007 my husband and I were the adult kids in our families — we are the only adult children
— and the next day we became what we laughingly call “real grown-ups,” helping first one, then two, and increasingly all three of our parents. It’s time to give back, and we do so willingly and happily. However the process is not easy, and it is not free from anxiety and tension. Check out the As Our Parents Age About page to learn more about the mission of this blog.
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As Our Parents Age by Marti Weston is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.
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